


All or Nothing

by justdk



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, M/M, POV Neil Josten, Recovery, Surgery, Trans Neil Josten, top surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23474020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justdk/pseuds/justdk
Summary: Neil and Andrew cuddle and kiss and reconnect after Neil's top surgery
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 1
Kudos: 163





	All or Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion follow up for Taking That Step. 
> 
> Updated (4/9/20): More notes at the end of the fic regarding different types of recovery from top surgery, specifically how Neil's recovery would be different if he had nipple grafts

“Can you feel that?” Andrew asks softly, his lips close to Neil’s ear.

Neil watches Andrew’s thumb skim his bare skin, right above the hard, red line of scarring. His skin prickles, fine hairs standing on end, but there’s no sensation, only faint pressure.

“Not really,” he murmurs.

Andrew is careful even though he’s not hurting Neil. His fair eyebrows furrow. Though they’ve both withstood more pain than any two people should carry, Andrew’s scars are different. His wounds never sank through thick muscle leaving behind raw, ragged scars. He’s never had to go through this type of recovery and thank the stars for that.

“It’s fine,” Neil says lightly, half teasing. “The feeling will come back in time. The stitches will go away and I’ll finally be able to move the way I want. I already feel better.”

The bruises have faded to almost nothing and thanks to Andrew and Wymack’s monitoring his scars look neat. The pale, faded stretch marks are the only things he still has difficulty looking at even though he knows that almost everyone has stretch marks. He’s seen them on his teammates, the marks different colors and in different places, on hips and thighs and stomachs and arms. He’ll get used to seeing his own in time.

Andrew’s warm palm settles over Neil’s heart and Neil does feel some soreness radiating from the muscle underneath. It’s nothing, really, less than what he’d have after a long practice. He tips his head to the side until his and Andrew’s noses almost brush.

“Remember when you challenged me to score a goal on you and I kept trying until I blew my arms out?”

Andrew huffs. “I remember Coach yelling at me for letting it go so long.”

“Ha!” Neil’s sock-covered foot rubs up against Andrew’s calf. “He threw a can of coffee at me and I got so spooked I almost had a panic attack.”

“You’ve always been all or nothing, Josten,” Andrew says. He moves his hand, fingers tickling under Neil’s chin. His body is warm, their shoulders and hips and thighs pressed together.

Neil grins and sucks in his lower lip. “All or nothing sounds a lot like yes or no.”

Andrew moves closer, his body turning onto his side, making the mattress dip. He moves over Neil, his forearm resting next to his head, bracing himself.

“Wymack finally went out for groceries,” Andrew replies. “He’ll probably be gone awhile.”

Neil’s fingers tighten in the sheets so he won’t reach out for Andrew. He wouldn’t do it anyway but after his surgery he isn’t supposed to be reaching for anything, though he longs to dig his fingers into Andrew’s hair.

“I am very much saying yes to anything you have in mind,” Neil says earnestly. He’s missed having Andrew’s hands on him, being held down and taken apart.

Andrew leans down and kisses him and it’s every bit as consuming and hot and life-altering as their first kiss. Neil kisses him back, his toes curling in his socks and his fingers straining as he clings to the sheets. They kiss and kiss, like they’ve been starved for it. Andrew’s hand moves down his ribs, so careful, to his stomach. Neil’s muscles tense and jump and his heart pounds. He never had this before Andrew or wanted it before him. He’s never felt this safe or cared for, this cherished even though Andrew has never said anything like what Nicky always says to Erik. He knows, though. The certainty curls through him and smolders like an ember.

“Neil,” Andrew gasps, breaking away for a ragged breath.

Neil pants, eyes fixed on Andrew’s flushed cheeks, his beautiful eyes, “Andrew.”

 _All or nothing_. He would never tell Andrew because it’s not something he would want to hear, but he’s all his. He spent his whole life being nothing but it took this golden-haired boy to show him what it was to want to be _more_ , to be all in.

“Andrew,” Neil says again, voice breaking, “ _yes_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: Hi! So a very kind person contacted me and shared his experience with top surgery and having nipple grafts and I wanted to add that info here. In the first fic, Taking That Step, I left it open-ended for the reader to decide if Neil did have nipple grafts or not and if he was on HRT or not. Part of the reason I did that is because not all trans experiences are the same and on a personal note I was pretty freaking excited about my new flat, nipple-less existence. However it is misleading to think that if Neil had nipple grafts he’d be having such a painless and relatively chill recovery at this point. Some things that Neil would most likely be experiencing if he had nipple grafts would itchiness, pain/discomfort around the nipple area (so Andrew would need to be real careful where he was putting them hands), and would have drains for at least the first week. (If you don’t know what drains are they’re tubes put in to collect blood and fluid which then drains into little round collection things at the end. The amount of fluid has to measured, recorded, and emptied out on a timed schedule. The removal of drains is - according to what I’ve heard and witnessed - highly unpleasant and painful).
> 
> All this to say: what I wrote here was my physical experience of recovering without nipple grafts. At the time it was a week and a half out. Now I’m a little over two weeks and still pain free and lacking sensation around my scars. A very different experience! I want to be respectful of different experiences, especially when mine is probably not the norm (nipple grafts seem to be the most common with these types of top surgeries). I should also note that a double incision surgery, while common, is not the only type of top surgery. If you all have more thoughts for me or corrections don’t hesitate to contact me!
> 
> you can find me on tumblr @dkafterdark


End file.
